If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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