ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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