i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
