just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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