You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
