hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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