did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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