The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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