Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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