I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
