my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
