You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
