I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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