And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
