Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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