I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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