I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
