I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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