I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
