i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
