i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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