dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
