girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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