Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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