i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I want a musical about memes.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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