It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
