Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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