***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
