just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
