Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
why do cheetos always look like penises
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
