I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
