You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he thought i was a dude.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
