After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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