Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
