No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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