Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
