I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
