i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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