I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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