So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
