just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
