she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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