I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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