he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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