Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
