You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I have post one night stand depression
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
