Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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