I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Everyone says I win the strip club
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
