Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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