u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
