After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
