do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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