ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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