I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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